In literacy this week Year 4 were asked to write an opening for a story set under the sea. They used the beginning of Finding Nemo as a stimulus, this is what Zoha wrote:
One day under the bright blue sea there lived two clown fish they lived in a patch of poisons’ pink anemone. Their names were Carlin and Marlin. One day Carlin layed eggs Marlin was so happy he could not keep his big mouth shut. When Marlin came home Carlin decided to show him the eggs. They swam to the cave under the anemone Marlin was amazed when he saw the small red delicate eggs. He turned around, Carlin was gone! Marlin found Carlin staring at a giant fierce barracuda,
“Let’s go,” whispered Marlin to Carlin.
Carlin did not reply. Suddenly the barracuda struck,
“No!” Shouted Marlin but he was too late Carlin had already been eaten by the Barracuda.
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You used lots of interesting vocabulary such as delicate, poisonous and fierce.
ReplyDeleteWell done for using lots of punctuation for example exclamation marks and speech marks.
I think Zoha should use adverbs to open her story instead of "One day".
I really liked it, you used lots of adjectives and wow words.
ReplyDeleteVery good story - can't wait to read the rest of the story. Mum and Dad
ReplyDeleteIt is super,brilliant work i have nothing to say about this story.I am wordless after reading this story i am looking forward to read the whole story!
ReplyDeleteIt was super work Zoha, I think you are gonna be a writer when you grow up and you used lots of Wow words and I was surprised how good you wrote!
ReplyDeleteWow that story opening you wrote was aswome!
ReplyDeleteyou used wow words and you used speech marks when somone is talking well done.
Zoha I love all of the ajectivs!!!!!!!!! "BRILIANT"
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